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January 25, 2008

JB Treated for Nylon Addiction

JB, Half Ass Expeditions guide WESTBOROUGH, MA - Half Ass Expeditions guide and cofounder John Bellantoni was conspicuously absent at the Golden Gomer Awards Monday night in Tim's basement in Westborough. Sources exclusive to HAE News state JB was seen checking into the Les Stroud Center for Nylon Abuse late Sunday evening. John had recently been downplaying the rumors of his fondness for nylon stuff sacks. JB's lawyer issued a statement this morning stating that John was doing fine and the treatment appeared to be working.

A well known wilderness guide and TV pitchman for Viagra, John had a rough 2007 with his recent meltdown in a LA salon where he completely shaved his ass in front of the camera, he exposed his genitals while dismounting his bicycle at a race in Longbeach, and then there were those shocking photos of a comatose JB in his car wrapped in a nylon poncho last May outside a New York City campground.

This is John's second Gomer, this year earning the Golden Gomer for Biggest Gomer in a Survival Situation for his spectacular Hamburger Helper spill at Camp 2. Tim Novak accepted the award for John on Monday evening. Tim expressed his concern and wished JB a quick recovery after he spoke out against the over use of nylon stuff sacks during winter camping expeditions.

"I feel partly responsible." a tearful Tim stammered from the podium, "I saw all the stuff sacks he had in Maine and never confronted him. I figured he had it under control. All that nylon... it was just too much."

John will spend 90 days at the Les Stroud Center where he will undergo a rigorous series of nylon detoxification therapies including wearing all cotton, hiking with canvas gear and absolutely no access to all camping equipment stores and catalogs.

Half Ass Expeditions is widely known for the near fatal events on Mount Bigelow, Maine in 1987, chronicled in their online adventure classic, Into Big Maine. HAE is responsible for countless acres of deforestation in northern New England during their well publicized annual winter backpacking expeditions.

See more photos from the 2008 Wymann Mountain Expedition HERE.

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Archives... old "What's New"
  • January 20, 2008
  • January 18, 2007
  • December 9, 2006
  • January 3, 2006
  • January 4, 2005
  • September 19, 2004
  • August 1, 2004
  • March 27, 2004
  • December 30, 2003
  • Bigelow Anniversary
  • Old Man of the Mountain Dies
  • December 28, 2002
  • Summer 1999

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