the Clamb, anus clenching adventure

Vincentoli Blanteev
Half Ass Expedition Guide

and G. Mount Da Gomerly



Novak remembered that he was expected to be there at the summit and led the attempt to secure maps of the mountain. Novak never made it so there were no good maps available to the summit team. "Fife and I just sort of hung out on our couches in front of the TV, I don't know where camp was but I say 'Okay, I can as well trust Markus but Blanteev will surely bogart all the stash.' Then at one point I see the monitor screen's light and I sort of take over and start tapping out bullshit on the keyboard. And I look at the web address and realize its the HAE message board."

Like all white trash hikers, Novak was staggering from consumption, keeping upright out of the sheer exhilaration of having what was left from Blanteev's haebars. Blanteev, he said, "looked at me, but we didn't have to speak. He knew the haebar went out and he took out his HAE lighter and sparked it back up."

The events from before that point, as remembered by Blanteev, were dictated to author G Mount Da Gomerly, within days of his arrival back at Novak's dusty smoke filled basement from the woods of Maine. In the interest of maintaining his voice and the immediacy of the events he experienced, his words as spoken in English and without benefit of a sober translator are presented here. They are interupted only for clarifacation.

Stay Tuned, the transcripts will be released after they have been reviewed by the United States Forest Service and the ATF.

Chapter 20, Into The Retch Zone... CLICK

Copyright 2004 John Bellantoni