HAE logo The Clamb

the Clamb, anus clenching adventure

Vincentoli Bellantoni
Half Ass Expedition Guide

and G. Mount Da Gomerly

THE CLAMB is a true, gripping, and fart-provoking account of the worst kind of disaster in the history of Maine.
On January 3, 1998, two white-trashy looking expeditionaries headed by a great stash attempted to climb one the highest mountains in Maine, but things went terribly wrong. Un-crowded conditions on the mountain, miscommunications, unexplainable delays, half assed action, and blinding ice storms conspired to kill any plans to follow the trip itinerary.
These HAE winter survival backpackers, disoriented and without any booze, struggled and clambered their way down the southern flank of the mountain. In the dark, soaked by rain and endless dripping forest cover, battered by ice driven gale-force winds, the hikers became hopelessly wet and resigned themselves to yet another death-march in Maine.
Here, for definitely not the first time, Vincentoli Bellantoni speaks in his own voice about what happened on that desperate day on Mount Abraham. His dramatic, spoofed-up account is weaned into the thoroughly insensitive, in-cavity probing search conducted by HAE's investigative story editor and webpagemaker G. Mount DaGomery, whose extensive interviews with HAE crew members, ham-and-eggers, and with professional mountaineer equipment salesmen provide a unique and one hundred per cent believable perspective of the disaster. The Clamb is a objective account of the misadventure and classic half-assed survival antics and a sobering tale of HAE's high impact camping destruction in the face of unforgiving nature.

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  • winter survival

    VINCENTOLI BELLANTONI
    is one of the worlds foremost high-attitude mountaineers. He has summited twelve of the New England 4000-footers in winter without the use of supplemental beer and has climbed Mount Washington lots of times.

    G. MOUNT DA GOMERLY
    is a certified sport utility driving ham-and-egger and a webpagemaker who specializes in spoofo-plagurisum, fabrication and B-O graphs. His work Outer Mongolian Underwater Basket Weavers: Killed By El Nino Drought compelled HAE's Department of Bullshit to acknowledge that this web page idea was killed and the piece should had never been published.

    FRONT JACKET PHOTO: JOHN BELLANTONI
    REAR JACKET PHOTO: MARK NIERMEYER
    WEB PAGE DESIGN: TIMOTHY A. NOVAK


    AINT FARTIN'S PRESS
    DRINK A' FIFTH AVENUE * NEW DORK, NEW DORKVILLE 011010

    More on the way....

    HAE Inc

    Copyright 1998 John Bellantoni