December 9, 2006
HAE Back in the Woods?
Bethel, Maine. State Police have set up a temporary command center in Bethel amid reports that Half Ass Expeditions is planning to be camping in Maine this winter. Governor Baldacci announced today that he would be asking for financial assistance from the Federal Government as well as calling out the National Guard to help protect the wilderness areas HAE is expected to penetrate.
The Maine Department of Forestry had just released the annual timber growth reports for 2006 indicating a huge area of regrowth in the regions normally denuded of trees by HAE's "slash and burn" camping expeditions. "The reports that HAE was coming back to Maine this year is bad news for the trees" stated Ralph Thwambert of the Maine Forest Service, "This year's growth numbers were definitely affected by their no show last winter."
Authorities had previously assumed the celebrated backwoods hiking team retired after rumors the crew had become "bloated, out of shape and unable to survive". One of the founders of the group, Vincetoli Blaanteev, was recently spotted in Las Vegas playing the tables visibly intoxicated, unshaven and sporting a rather large beer gut.
Half Ass Expeditions is widely known for the near fatal events on Mount Bigelow, Maine in 1987, chronicled in their online adventure classic, Into Big Maine. HAE is responsible for countless acres of deforestation in northern New England during their well publicized annual winter backpacking expeditions.
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